Silent Frustration

Frustration. Everyone must have gone through certain kind of frustration. But do you express your frustration?

I had one hell of a day. I seem alright to everyone today but deep inside me, I have some untold stories. I don't know why but everytime if that category of issue pop out and it drags me into it, automatically I become very frustrated. So frustrated that I feel like picking up a fight with the person and my usual rationality and logics doesnt seem to apply during that time.

It's not good. Definitely, not good for me and for others. I do feel bad about using harsh judgement on that person but I cant help it but to do that to make myself feel better. I am very frustrated each time issues like this bother me but yet I am still very much involved in it.

Arghh. I cant express it by beating the wall because that hurt my hand. I cant express it by telling others because its a sensitive issue and its related to people close to me. I cant tell anyone because I dont want everyone to come up to me and start asking why did it happen. Maybe that's why I feel like expressing it here.

I hope I can sleep well later and forget about it. Thou I know I wont easily forget things like this at least for another next few days. Tomorrow I will have a badminton session and it's a good timing for me to relieve out my frustration. Sorry, if I have to throw some hard smash tomorrow.

Peaceful Weekend

Peaceful weekend? Well, its been quite sometime since the last one. Stayed at home, sleep for more than 12 hours, read newspaper, watch TV and DVDs and played some fun games on my I4.

To be honest, I never really like the idea of a peaceful life when I was still in university. To me, life gotta be fast moving, fill with excitement and surprises and problems to make it complete. I think that's why I always prefer to work in the fast moving corporate and commercial line than to dwell with the ever slow and mentally exhausting process of laboratory/research kind of work.

However, it is these days that I realize the need of some time to be alone. A peaceful weekend can help you concentrate and focus on things better, to clear off all the 'logs' on your head, to allow some soul searching moments and to give a good rest of your meaty machine that works day and night during weekdays. And I do find myself performed much better the next day whenever I have a good rest the day before - usually happened on Monday, Tuesday. Its a simple theory that elderly had stressed upon since ages ago - you gotta rest well to have a healthy body and mind. But do we practice that ?

Well, for this particular weekend, I just couldn't date anyone out. I'm back from Ipoh on Friday after attending a wedding dinner of a good uni friend. On Saturday, I attended a training session in my Klang plant and reach home late in the evening. Went out yam char for a while with LES and LTH on Saturday night and stayed at home for the whole Sunday.

I have spend the Sunday wisely. Drafted out some plan for the next few months, catch up with some national/world/sports news that I have missed out due to the hectic working life and get enough sleep to rejuvenate my tired mind/body after two busy week. Definitely I wouldn't be living this kind of Sunday every weekend. But its good to have one or two each month. Aging process will consume us and eventually we need more rest and take care of ourselves to keep us going. Pushing yourself too hard will not do any good.


Next weekend will be hell as I would be in Tioman with the entire company staff.

Risk

I guess everyone has experience a time where certain decisions need to be made whether its intuitively or logically but in the end did not made that decision just out of fear of changes, fear of insecurity and etc.

But sometime when you look back, one could be grateful as those decision could be damaging to their life, would take away something much treasured from them or worst it could bring no good at all. Vice versa, some might just look back and regret for not being decisive enough to go ahead with that they think, how they felt and regret for their deep thoughts.

It's just similar to a game in casino. Sometimes, you know you are going to win this round, you can feel it, but you don't dare to bet on it just because the stake is too high for you to take the risk. And when the croupier shows the final result and it goes the way like how you predicted, you might start blaming yourself for not taking the risk and place your bet. It happens to us lots of time and it just happen to me last weekend.

I never thought a trip to Genting would open up my mind again. Thanks to a a golden phrase from a friend, "You have to be brave to win". I remember a good friend always tell me that its your ability to be a risk taker and your bravery that will play an important factor in your growth. When he first told me this back then, his words always play in my brain and reminded me to take risk.

I rejected two good MNC offer to work for a big local company which is in the midst of expanding and I can get to learn more things in the businesses. Its not a calculated risk definitely as there could be little that the local company can offer to match up with MNC offer. Nevertheless I took up the offer as I know thou they cannot offer me monetary satisfaction, but knowledge wise, they offer aplenty. Definitely a place you get to learn almost everything right from finance to operations to logistics. Knowledge is something you keep for yourself for a long long time.

However, as I continue to climb the corporate ladder, I guess I disappointed my good friend. Slowly, I got eaten up by the word 'Security' and 'Comfortableness'. I start placing more emphasis on to do things safely so that I won't get myself involve in too much office politics or offend certain people. However, because of this I don't get to see too good results in projects that I have been handling and progress has been slow.

It is in Genting, when I fail to convince myself to place a few bets that eventually turns out like what I predicted indicate I have forgotten about taking risk to win it big. The lesson there has waken me up again my good friend.

After that Raya Holiday, I have taken up all the backlog delays in all the projects and review it again. I have kicked somebody asses, be a lot more louder with my words, stayed focus on solving problems and taken over jobs from people that do not meet my level of satisfaction. All these are risky decisions that could backfire on me but if I don't do it, things will never move. There are things that I know I can solve it right away, but because of my trust to certain people and the friendship that we share, I tend to let them go easily as I do not want to offend them.

Thank you friends for reminding me again. I promised, I will never slack off again from taking risk. After all, Chinese says when there is risk, there is opportunity.

Maybe she is right all this while, I must learn not to be too kind to people.

Technology

Many people tell me IT and technology aren't everything. But today I have to prove you wrong. On my table now, I have a netbook on my left handside, reading and maybe waiting for incoming work mail on a Sunday night.

And I am facing my main laptop, watching some HD movie copied from my uncle's house. On my right handside, is my handphone, charging and at the same time, waiting for sms as I am gossiping with my friends about some hot update related to one of my friend. On top left handside there is a DSLR camera with pictures that I have just taken yesterday Father's day feast and Friday crazy + high birthday celebration night for LES and NCY. It's linked now to my main laptop and I am uploading those pics into my pc.

Now tell me, who says technology aren't everything ?

Random thoughts

Was driving alone just now when I drop my friend off at his place. Then suddenly heard some nice, love songs from the radio. It made me fall into a deep thought.

Herm, how I wish that you could be with me when I am alone at night. But somehow, many reasons have prevented that from happening. Herm. Just some random thought. Wanna find someone to spill it out, but couldn't get the right person at this time. So I thought, why not expose some of it on my blog. After all, I am careful with what I write here so that I wont over expose all my privacy stuff.

Haha. Well, feel better now. I guess, its the path that I have chosen that lead me to this state. Can blame no one. Hopefully it will change once the turmoil, of the not-so-smooth sail is over. This is a period of uncertainty. And because of uncertainty, I make a lot selfish decision. But you are always the special one for me :).

It's still the big question.

Hmph.........

Another month had come by and leaving us soon. Next month, June will signify the last month for half of the year. At time like these, companies will start reviewing their progress after 6 months into the new financial year, checking out P&L reports to look for improved bottom lines and of course reviewing the performance of the company and goals - also making amendments to it for the other half of the year.

To me, May 2010 signify a year after graduating from University Tunku Abdul Rahman. Many things have changed since then and people I used to know from the uni days will never be the same again compared to same month a year ago. Back then we were all fun loving and have no major worries. Today, some went on to pursue their postgraduate dream, some went into the corporate world to join the corporate rat race, some progressed into the science industry and some went on to join their family business.

I have just returned home yesterday after a short getaway plus makan trip in Ipoh. Managed to meet up with Pei Ting but CO was busy with friends while KK have to work. But well, we still have a good chat and I guess she have a fun time with all my funny and joker friends. Then yesterday, Hoi Ling was in KL and she called me up for a dinner. I picked her up at PV3 and Joyce at her house and we drove off to a famous steamboat restaurant in Cheras for a steamboat dinner. Hoi Ling also brought a long a friend of hers. By the time we arrive there, it was about 11 pm. It's the first time I am having steamboat dinner that late and I am really hungry as I haven't eat anything since 1-2 pm.

As usual, during steamboat its all about chit chatting, joking while enjoying hot food. We talked about our working life, how is things going for them, who is going to get married soon and whatever shit that we can think of at that time. It was a good moment as its been sometime since I last gather with this 2 girl together.

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It's a good weekend after all. Meeting back university friends after a year on really bring back plenty of memories. I don't want to blog this much about our meeting on this round as I would be see-ing other uni mates next week in another round in Ipoh. Till then, take care and tata !

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow, for the first time I will be leading a team of people to solve a problem that had been affecting my company for quite some time. Its time to fix all the problems that have been drag way too long and reduce the discrepancy to a record low level.

It's going to be a big challenge. But well, I love challenges especially challenges people couldn't solve for ages. There is a possibility that our attempt might fail this time since its the first time I am leading a team of experienced personnel but I do hope that this attempt would pave way to greater things and teamwork for the company in future.

Like what I read on google this evening "Inventory can be managed, but human must be led". It's me who was entrusted with the responsibility to lead the team, to bring the best out of them and put the problem into grave.

I'm excited now for tomorrow !

A random day of my working weekend

Today was a tiring day... Woke up at 6:30 am to get myself ready for the so-called factory big day. I barely have 4 hours sleep and I have to pick myself up when I heard 'Today is Fairytale' ringtone. The call was from my phone alarm, reminding me to get off my bed and get myself ready.

Its a Saturday and I thought I can have a good, relaxing weekend after 2 tiring weeks. Apparently not. I was summoned into my GM's office last month where he offered me to attend management and leadership training conducted by Mr. Tan KH, our company consultant. Ok, it's a rare offer and Michelle and me were the only two executives given this chance to become his disciple. But Michelle tendered her resignation shortly after the offer and hence I was left to be his only disciple.

A little bit about Mr. Tan. Mr. Tan might seem young at his age (61) but he is well experience in running a factory and had all the energies and experience to correct us. He used work in AMD as factory manager and GM for Seagate before he venture into consultancy. He is the man that don't play hanky panky with you and always straight to the point. I was introduced to him during Nov' 09 and since then had get to know him better when we work together through several projects. Well, he is the type that is well disciplined and organized. If you don't like to work with dateline and under tremendous pressure to perform, he is not the type you would like to work with.

Anyway, back to the topic. After getting myself ready, I went to Royale Bintang at Curve to meet up with Mr. Tan. He was already there waiting for me when I arrive. He invited me to have breakfast with him at this small cafe located at the lobby of Royale Bintang. Well, it's been quite some time since I last had a fullfilling hotel-morning brekfast and of course, being me who likes sausages and bacon, take up the offer without any hesitation.

It was an awesome breakfast and I can't believe they serve beef bacon, my favourite! Thinking of it now, makes me feel like going to Cold Storage and get some for tomorrow. Hehe. Ok, cut the story short, after we are done with breakfast we head to factory straight away as we are late and factory managers should be waiting for us. But we did arrive in time (thanks to my awesome driving speed).

One of my company factories located in Kapar, Klang. It consist of 9 blocks with a length of about 600 metre x 200 metre width. You can imagine walking under the hot sun if you were there for a 'MBWA' - Management By Wandering Around. Hahahaha.

Well, the training for today was for factory managers. I was there mainly becaused I missed the first session when it was conducted in Kepong HQ for HQ managers. It was an interesting training as the theme for the training was ' How Managers Make Things Happen'. Well, I'm not a manager YET, but aiming to be one, yes a big one in the next few years.

The training touch a lot about how managers should do things, how they should lead and how they can make the factory a better place to work. Mr. Tan do touch a lot on real time issue and relate it to the training which give us a better understanding and grasp on the topic and principle discussed upon. This is not my first time attending his training and I know he loves to focus on the 'system boy' which is ME ! Yeah yeah, as a project executive, I am running the SAP project for the company.

A lot discussion today mainly touched on the stock issue. We are a company with a turnover exceeding one billion RM. However, he keep emphasizing that our stock accuracy is so poor that we cant even fully utilize the manpower and system that we have and the issue had been dragged for too long. Poor me, as part of the SAP system administrator, I was given the task to find the truth behind this. And because of that moment of courageous, I took the job and even suggested to form a task force with me as the team leader =.=". Now feel like kind of regret, as I am so fully loaded with work. But nonetheless, its an exciting challenge and I like things like this where one piece of good work will solve things for a long period. The factory side was not any better. They keep getting battered from Mr. Tan and they got themselves so much work that I think for the next week few weeks, none of us can go home before 7:00 pm

The training session ends at 5:30 pm. By then, I was mentally and physically exhausted. During the entire training, I drank 4 cups of coffee, 2 cups of chocomex, ate 4 slice of pizza and 2 plate of chilli mee hon. Arghhh, there goes my diet plan. I quickly packed and talk to a few personnel on problem and address some issue before I left. Send Mr. Tan to the subang airport where he will flew back to Penang tonight. Then I headed home while listening to my latest Zouk 2k10 CD. Hahaha.

Now, while I am trying to gain inspiration on how to continue with this post, I am also partly doing some paper work that I need on Monday. And silently I am telling myself ' there goes one of my highly-anticipated saturday '.

Did I Marry the Right Person ?

Got this post from a forwarded email. Quite interesting and meaningful. Wish to share with you guys.


DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes W IS DOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

First post of 2010

Woot, its been a month plus since I have the leisure to spend sometime here. Been working tirelessly since the beginning of January 2010 and on this particular weekend, I finally can find some free time to do some update here again.

December 2009 was a great month of course as there were 3 to 4 continuous 3 days holiday starting from Friday till Sunday. However, on the very first month of 2010, there is only 1 and it fall on the last weekend of January spanning from 30th of January till 1st of February which is this weekend. And FINALLY I can yell to my friends that work in Selangor state, I am off on Monday due to FT day. Muahahaha.

Just a little bit update on myself lately. Been working on lots of projects together with my mentor cum superior cum manager. Developing workflow and working on projects that would make life easier for people. Improving the way people are doing things. Setting standards that require employees to follow and learning more and more about trading, food business and oil business. Well, in short, I'm enjoying my work. How about you my dear friend ?

Work aside, my personal life is going on well as well. Its not really as excited as the days I used to have during college or university life but I enjoy doing new things together with friends nowadays. Joined some friends for cycling session, waterfall exploration, jogging in the greenery, meeting some very successful people in some social networking session and others..

Not to forget, in another 15 days we would be celebrating the first Chinese New Year for the decade. This year, its the year of Tiger. Thou technically I am borned in 1987 which is the year of rabbit, but in chinese lunar calendar I was borned before Chinese New Year and thus, my chinese zodiac is Tiger. Haha. Tiger is always associated with character that usually less admired by peace lover. Maybe that is true also, because I am unusually active and loves to stir things up :P. Hahaha.

This year around, I would be celebrating CNY in the place of my origin, Kampar, Ipoh. Its been almost 2 years since I last went back thou it feel just like yesterday. I have my fairshare of memories of Kampar as well thou mostly are on food. Yeah. I lived there for 4 years during my childhood and I eat almost everything that are there back then. The sad thing is, I don't really have friends in Kampar. Hahaha. What to do, I shifted to KL to stay with my parents at 5 and live here all the way till now. But it's always exciting to go back and stay there for 2-3 days just for the sake of the food. Hehe.

Ok, mom is nagging me from the living room liao. Time to go out for CNY shopping with her. I'll try my best to update more often. Till then, take care and Tata !