Long Time No See !

I can't believe my last post was in October 2010. I thought I remembered myself posting at least one post per month but its something remembered wrongly my weakening subconscious mind.

Well well, we are into 2011 already - the year of Rabbit according to the Chinese Horoscope. I had a great start to the bunny year with a superb good job offer Management Associate Programme) - that I rejected in the end, because the industry is not something that I think I can work in for a long period of time. I want a career not a job ! But I guess its still a blessing in disguise, that I get one hell of an amount of bonus from my current company and feel appreciated by the top management which makes me feel good about what I have done over the past 1 year.

Anyway, to hell with work. Let's talk about how I have enjoyed myself for the past 15 days of the lunar calendar during CNY period that was filled with gambling sessions, drinking sessions, dirty jokes sessions, and talk cock sing song session.

As usual, every year I expect to see one idiot who will fly back all the way from Adelaide just to lose money to us. Our friends call him the "choi san yeh" because luck is never on his side and he is known to be addicted to poker cards and always volunteer himself as a 'chongker' for the Black Jack game. This year, he flew in a little bit late, almost 15 days before CNY but that's enough for him to get warm up with his fans that are eager to see him distributing money to him.

However, this year things were a little different. Not that he is not the choi san yeh, but he is taking all our money away from us. Night after night, he is the overall champion, taking away our hard earned money and breaking the heart of his fans. Now, everyone anti him and want him down. I believe if he don't lose to us a great sum of amount, he will not be forgiven anytime soon.

Next after gambling session would definitely be our inaugural good friends reunion dinner. This is the first year we booked two table for lou sang among good friends. It was fun and everyone get to mingle with each other after havent see each other for days, months or years. We have lots of red wine that night - I think I lost count of the number of bottles that we have opened - maybe around 10 bottles. And the funny part is, I ask Krishnath to tag along.

Being an Indian, Krishnath start mixing with us since schooling days. Definitely, in such a good gathering session, he cannot be missed. He came that day and bravely stepped into a 99.99% chinese dominated restaurant together with me (although I can see him a little bit uneasy with the setup). We had good funny chats about almost everything that night. These are the things that reminded us of those happy times in secondary school.

That night we drink and we had lots of fun! We gossip, we laugh, we joke and we try to get each other drunk with our 12 bottles of wine and liquor. Well, unfortunately, Jonas cant take too much wine or alcohol. Hahahaha. He just cant take it (or else he would drunk after a shot jz like in Zouk). The dinner, those laughter lasted almost 3 hours plus. By the time we realize we are too full to cramp out our stomach with summore food its already 10.30 pm.

They doesnt want to end the party that early and instead of going home, we went over to Mei Fen home for a gambling session.

It was really one hell of a day. I love Chinese New Year when friends gather and have fun. Really miss those moments when I am thinking of my current situation.

Well, well. Life moves on and I am eagerly waiting for the next CNY for 2012. Till then, I would always remember those good moments we have shared during that few weeks.

Silent Frustration

Frustration. Everyone must have gone through certain kind of frustration. But do you express your frustration?

I had one hell of a day. I seem alright to everyone today but deep inside me, I have some untold stories. I don't know why but everytime if that category of issue pop out and it drags me into it, automatically I become very frustrated. So frustrated that I feel like picking up a fight with the person and my usual rationality and logics doesnt seem to apply during that time.

It's not good. Definitely, not good for me and for others. I do feel bad about using harsh judgement on that person but I cant help it but to do that to make myself feel better. I am very frustrated each time issues like this bother me but yet I am still very much involved in it.

Arghh. I cant express it by beating the wall because that hurt my hand. I cant express it by telling others because its a sensitive issue and its related to people close to me. I cant tell anyone because I dont want everyone to come up to me and start asking why did it happen. Maybe that's why I feel like expressing it here.

I hope I can sleep well later and forget about it. Thou I know I wont easily forget things like this at least for another next few days. Tomorrow I will have a badminton session and it's a good timing for me to relieve out my frustration. Sorry, if I have to throw some hard smash tomorrow.

Peaceful Weekend

Peaceful weekend? Well, its been quite sometime since the last one. Stayed at home, sleep for more than 12 hours, read newspaper, watch TV and DVDs and played some fun games on my I4.

To be honest, I never really like the idea of a peaceful life when I was still in university. To me, life gotta be fast moving, fill with excitement and surprises and problems to make it complete. I think that's why I always prefer to work in the fast moving corporate and commercial line than to dwell with the ever slow and mentally exhausting process of laboratory/research kind of work.

However, it is these days that I realize the need of some time to be alone. A peaceful weekend can help you concentrate and focus on things better, to clear off all the 'logs' on your head, to allow some soul searching moments and to give a good rest of your meaty machine that works day and night during weekdays. And I do find myself performed much better the next day whenever I have a good rest the day before - usually happened on Monday, Tuesday. Its a simple theory that elderly had stressed upon since ages ago - you gotta rest well to have a healthy body and mind. But do we practice that ?

Well, for this particular weekend, I just couldn't date anyone out. I'm back from Ipoh on Friday after attending a wedding dinner of a good uni friend. On Saturday, I attended a training session in my Klang plant and reach home late in the evening. Went out yam char for a while with LES and LTH on Saturday night and stayed at home for the whole Sunday.

I have spend the Sunday wisely. Drafted out some plan for the next few months, catch up with some national/world/sports news that I have missed out due to the hectic working life and get enough sleep to rejuvenate my tired mind/body after two busy week. Definitely I wouldn't be living this kind of Sunday every weekend. But its good to have one or two each month. Aging process will consume us and eventually we need more rest and take care of ourselves to keep us going. Pushing yourself too hard will not do any good.


Next weekend will be hell as I would be in Tioman with the entire company staff.

Risk

I guess everyone has experience a time where certain decisions need to be made whether its intuitively or logically but in the end did not made that decision just out of fear of changes, fear of insecurity and etc.

But sometime when you look back, one could be grateful as those decision could be damaging to their life, would take away something much treasured from them or worst it could bring no good at all. Vice versa, some might just look back and regret for not being decisive enough to go ahead with that they think, how they felt and regret for their deep thoughts.

It's just similar to a game in casino. Sometimes, you know you are going to win this round, you can feel it, but you don't dare to bet on it just because the stake is too high for you to take the risk. And when the croupier shows the final result and it goes the way like how you predicted, you might start blaming yourself for not taking the risk and place your bet. It happens to us lots of time and it just happen to me last weekend.

I never thought a trip to Genting would open up my mind again. Thanks to a a golden phrase from a friend, "You have to be brave to win". I remember a good friend always tell me that its your ability to be a risk taker and your bravery that will play an important factor in your growth. When he first told me this back then, his words always play in my brain and reminded me to take risk.

I rejected two good MNC offer to work for a big local company which is in the midst of expanding and I can get to learn more things in the businesses. Its not a calculated risk definitely as there could be little that the local company can offer to match up with MNC offer. Nevertheless I took up the offer as I know thou they cannot offer me monetary satisfaction, but knowledge wise, they offer aplenty. Definitely a place you get to learn almost everything right from finance to operations to logistics. Knowledge is something you keep for yourself for a long long time.

However, as I continue to climb the corporate ladder, I guess I disappointed my good friend. Slowly, I got eaten up by the word 'Security' and 'Comfortableness'. I start placing more emphasis on to do things safely so that I won't get myself involve in too much office politics or offend certain people. However, because of this I don't get to see too good results in projects that I have been handling and progress has been slow.

It is in Genting, when I fail to convince myself to place a few bets that eventually turns out like what I predicted indicate I have forgotten about taking risk to win it big. The lesson there has waken me up again my good friend.

After that Raya Holiday, I have taken up all the backlog delays in all the projects and review it again. I have kicked somebody asses, be a lot more louder with my words, stayed focus on solving problems and taken over jobs from people that do not meet my level of satisfaction. All these are risky decisions that could backfire on me but if I don't do it, things will never move. There are things that I know I can solve it right away, but because of my trust to certain people and the friendship that we share, I tend to let them go easily as I do not want to offend them.

Thank you friends for reminding me again. I promised, I will never slack off again from taking risk. After all, Chinese says when there is risk, there is opportunity.

Maybe she is right all this while, I must learn not to be too kind to people.

Technology

Many people tell me IT and technology aren't everything. But today I have to prove you wrong. On my table now, I have a netbook on my left handside, reading and maybe waiting for incoming work mail on a Sunday night.

And I am facing my main laptop, watching some HD movie copied from my uncle's house. On my right handside, is my handphone, charging and at the same time, waiting for sms as I am gossiping with my friends about some hot update related to one of my friend. On top left handside there is a DSLR camera with pictures that I have just taken yesterday Father's day feast and Friday crazy + high birthday celebration night for LES and NCY. It's linked now to my main laptop and I am uploading those pics into my pc.

Now tell me, who says technology aren't everything ?

Random thoughts

Was driving alone just now when I drop my friend off at his place. Then suddenly heard some nice, love songs from the radio. It made me fall into a deep thought.

Herm, how I wish that you could be with me when I am alone at night. But somehow, many reasons have prevented that from happening. Herm. Just some random thought. Wanna find someone to spill it out, but couldn't get the right person at this time. So I thought, why not expose some of it on my blog. After all, I am careful with what I write here so that I wont over expose all my privacy stuff.

Haha. Well, feel better now. I guess, its the path that I have chosen that lead me to this state. Can blame no one. Hopefully it will change once the turmoil, of the not-so-smooth sail is over. This is a period of uncertainty. And because of uncertainty, I make a lot selfish decision. But you are always the special one for me :).

It's still the big question.

Hmph.........

Another month had come by and leaving us soon. Next month, June will signify the last month for half of the year. At time like these, companies will start reviewing their progress after 6 months into the new financial year, checking out P&L reports to look for improved bottom lines and of course reviewing the performance of the company and goals - also making amendments to it for the other half of the year.

To me, May 2010 signify a year after graduating from University Tunku Abdul Rahman. Many things have changed since then and people I used to know from the uni days will never be the same again compared to same month a year ago. Back then we were all fun loving and have no major worries. Today, some went on to pursue their postgraduate dream, some went into the corporate world to join the corporate rat race, some progressed into the science industry and some went on to join their family business.

I have just returned home yesterday after a short getaway plus makan trip in Ipoh. Managed to meet up with Pei Ting but CO was busy with friends while KK have to work. But well, we still have a good chat and I guess she have a fun time with all my funny and joker friends. Then yesterday, Hoi Ling was in KL and she called me up for a dinner. I picked her up at PV3 and Joyce at her house and we drove off to a famous steamboat restaurant in Cheras for a steamboat dinner. Hoi Ling also brought a long a friend of hers. By the time we arrive there, it was about 11 pm. It's the first time I am having steamboat dinner that late and I am really hungry as I haven't eat anything since 1-2 pm.

As usual, during steamboat its all about chit chatting, joking while enjoying hot food. We talked about our working life, how is things going for them, who is going to get married soon and whatever shit that we can think of at that time. It was a good moment as its been sometime since I last gather with this 2 girl together.

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It's a good weekend after all. Meeting back university friends after a year on really bring back plenty of memories. I don't want to blog this much about our meeting on this round as I would be see-ing other uni mates next week in another round in Ipoh. Till then, take care and tata !